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Transforming Yourself - The Struggles

Leanne Holder Transformation

A lot of you may already know about my transformation from skinny to strong. But I don't open up too much about the struggles that have come with this. I don't mean the hard work in the gym (and the bruises, and injuries), but the mental state, the preconceptions, the stereotyping etc.

I guess the first thing that people don't realise is that despite being slim and athletic now instead of bony, I still find it hard to love my body 100%. I get complimented on my figure a lot, and am told how lucky I am to fit into size 4's, to be able to wear tight clothes without a worry and to wear a bikini and have abs. I agree, I am totally lucky and it hasn't come easy, but people do forget that I also still get told I need to 'eat', I still can't fit into many high street clothes, and often clothes look like a sack on me even when they are the smallest size. Please... if someone is a small size do not tell them to eat more, or that they are too skinny, because the likeliness is that they eat a lot! Plenty are jealous of the fact that I can have a weekend binge of take-always, snacks and alcohol and lose weight.. but to me this is not something I enjoy. My spine sticking out or my jeans being to baggy is not ideal!

Another thing that is a real struggle is not comparing myself to others. I think this is something that we all suffer with and despite being happy with my body to an extent it is still so difficult not to compare! Take my bum for example; if I was larger I would have a good amount of fat on my bum so that when toning, it would look curvier and bigger. But where I am 14% body fat, trying to build pure muscle on my glutes just takes forever! Some girls have a lovely curvy bum that is easily toned because they have a higher body fat %! This is a genuine struggle and something that actually can become quite disheartening. To not feel like i'm 'desired' by people and albeit society's view can still feel crap!

That takes me on to the preconceptions. I've had a breast enlargement and the amount of people that have asked me whether I had them done for boys is outstanding! I will never hide nor be ashamed of my surgery. I had one reason... to feel more womanly. Now i'm not saying that if you don't have boobs your not a woman (trust me I lived long enough without them) but for me being so tiny I felt like a child. I had no boobs, no bum and my ribs stuck out more than my boobs, I wasn't even an AA! This depressed me a lot and had a huge affect on my confidence. Having surgery was a fantastic option for me; I didn't get massive boobs, I got boobs that were the size I probably should have been born with! I feel there is a stigma to people with fake breasts; that others assume it is done for others admiration; but sometimes its not so please don't assume if you start to judge someone!

Finally body shaming does not stop when your slim! Many harp on about larger people getting body shamed but believe me when you see memes on facebook comparing slim females as dogs, and being told that 'real' women are curvy it drives me mental! Always remember that no matter what size someone is, they feel hurt and self-conscious the same as anyone else!

I would love to hear from others about their experience with either body shaming, or feeling inadequate! Lets try and support each other!

Here's my transformation via a video;

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